Edutaining Behind the Seeds Tour

Ladies and gentlemen, don’t touch anything and do not make direct eye contact with potatoes. Hold onto all loose items. Take children by the hand. Put on your 3D glasses. We shall begin our exclusive pay-per-view backstage tour of Epcot’s Living with the Land in just a few moments. As the lights dim the room will become darker. OK, we are ready to stroll.

Hello, and welcome to Behind the Seeds, a tour that will show you what you can’t see for more than a few seconds from the boat ride. We begin with a video in a small room that contains clear cases, pants, and b… A ha ha ha. I meant to say plants not pants. But just so you know, pants must be worn at all times. As I was saying, plants, bugs, videos, photos and information you’ll forget momentarily but will seem of interest to you at the exact moment the words are said regarding biological control.

Later on you’ll be able to release these contained ladybugs onto leafy plants. Be careful not to confuse the boys from the girls. Francis gets very upset if you call him a her, as do Pat and Chris.

On your left is a pile of water softener salt. For ease of transportation we buy the salt in bags. To learn more about what it does, click here cuz I haven’t a clue.

Moving on, we see several shelves and tables behind glass windows. There are bottles and signs posted. Due to the reflection off the glass, reading the signs is difficult and getting a decent photo is presently impossible. Don’t worry, you’re not missing out on anything delicious like chocolate milk.

Here we have a vegetable or plant (shooting, writing, and walking all at once is really difficult) that still hasn’t removed it’s VIP tag from last Tuesday’s Koppert party. Since it wasn’t careful, a Swirski-Mite Plus bag has been attached to rid it of the two spotted spider mite. That’s right, it’s a battle of mite vs. mite. Is anyone else feeling itchy?

Rows upon rows of hydroponically grown greens thrive in the greenhouse. Nutrition flows through the tubes so they’ll grow up to be big and strong. When plants mature (chronologically) they move out of the greenhouse and head to college for an aquaponics program. Although extremely proud of their “adult” seedlings, parents struggle to pay the high cost of tuition. Luckily room and board are covered.

One of the tour guides you might encounter is Andy. Some day he hopes to grow as tall as this pod. Stay away from the chocolate milk, Andy.

Aquaponics also takes place in Living with the Land. Fish and shrimp are born/hatched/spawned specifically for human consumption. Even the alligators’ fate is predetermined.

If you listen closely you can hear the alligators’ conversation.

1. You guys wanna see a magic trick?
2. Yeah! Pull a dime outta Freddy’s ear.
3. Woo hee hee. I love it when you do that. Hee hee hoo.
4. If I end up in the same pair of shoes as those knuckleheads I will shoot someone, so help me.

As we head over to the fish tank, please be advised that when you toss their food, the fish will not jump into the air and perform tricks. They will however create a tidal wave so be sure to wear the ponchos provided to you when you signed up for the tour. Nothing sets the mood for fish feeding like romantic lighting. Sway with me.

We head back into the greenhouse and take a closer look at what’s growing. Fruits and vegetables are gianormous compared to what is available in markets. Not only that but Disney grows an enormous amount of tomatoes and has a prize for doing so. The prize is a FastPass for Heinz ketchup bottling.

One might look twice to check if it’s actually a tomato or a Mickey ornament. You’ll have to taste it to know for sure.

Row after row of edible greens are lined up on a huge grid. If you’ve ever wondered what they look like up close, take a gander. Do it quickly though because plants can’t breathe out of water for long and gasping “My roots are showing” is embarassing for everyone.

Heading into the sandy section you will see orange orchids, more enormous fruits, and Spice Girls spice plants. Take photos documenting the group because when they break up, Nutmeg Spice will get her own fashion line and Cinammon Spice plans to run for governor of California.

These here banana trees are beautiful with large green leaves that provide excellent shade. During summer the rare and tasty chocolate covered frozen banana with nuts tree blooms in air conditioned greenhouses set to high.

Your tour concludes with the startling reality that pumpkins don’t naturally grow in the shape of Mickey heads out in the wild. Enjoy the boat ride if you haven’t yet, it’s a nail-biting thrill.

Thank you. Visit again soon. Give me that cucumber! You had a slice earlier.

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